omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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