He uses pillows to masturbate.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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