On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
