Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
