While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
