i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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