Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
i am craving dick and cupcakes
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
