you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
