I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
