hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
