Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Randomize
