dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
