problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
