why didn't you poke me back
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
