Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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