D3 body, D1 cock
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I just cut my nipple shaving
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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