John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
