you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think a kid would responsible me up
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
