I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
porn star boner night. come get it.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
