dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
