I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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