um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Randomize
