i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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