I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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