found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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