Screwed.edu
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My bed smells like the plague
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