i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
