Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
