i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
