I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
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