she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
