just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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