how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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