I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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