im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
