What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
