All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
