Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
