is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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