I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
