hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
