I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
