don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
