Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
