I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's official drugs can't kill me
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
