"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
foreskin is a definite game changer
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
