i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
