i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
