We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
