I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
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