i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
