Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
