The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
