dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
