No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
