so explain again why im purple
no
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Randomize
