ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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