Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Every concussion has its silver lining
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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