Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
