Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I got inside last night via doggy door
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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