when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
