you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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