Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
