My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
