The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
