Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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