so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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