Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
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