Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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