shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
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I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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