6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
