the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
